Mud Spa anyone?

Yoselin and Hailee wanted to play outside yesterday...
of course I didn't think about how spongy (sp?) the ground would be after all that rain. They found a mud pit by the garden and decided to create their own little outdoor spa. They were covered in mud...even their hair was wet with it! And they STUNK so BAD!!

But hey! These little divas got their day at the spa at least! Hmmm....maybe next year instead of doing the Olive Center Diner we could do the Olive Center Mud Spa! Do you think the community would come out for that event?

We're MOVIN' on up!

For those of you who were deprived and never watched "The Jefferson's", that is where I got the title of this post. So why would I title a post that?!? Because we are FINALLY going to move!!!!!!! YEEEEHAW!!!! We found out tonight that the bank accepted our offer and we plan to close on May 18! Hopefully we'll be in the new house before Baby#4 arrives!! Here's a pic of what we'll be moving into!

Who am I?!?

I have a Daddy in Heaven who loves me!

Wedding Day woes...

Not to beat a dead horse or anything...but I guess the more people that read these posts, the more prayers there will be (I am hoping) for the relationship that I have with my dad. I am hoping that this blogging will feel like therapy for me. My shrink :) says I need to "remember" the times I was hurt in order to be able to deal with the hurt he has caused me over the years. So sorry to those of you sick of hearing the Wayne drama....but please use this as proof that Nick, Lindsey and I really need prayers for our dad!

I have come to realize why there is so much hurt yet in dealing with my wedding day in regards to my dad. It's the fact that he made it very obvious that I caused him great humiliation and disgrace. My dad acted as though he became the victim of a loser daughter. Becoming pregnant was a humbling experience for me. And at the time I needed him the most he left me. He didn't want anything to do with me. Being that I have kids now....there is nothing in the world that they could do that would make me choose to not be there for them. I just can't even fathom it.

I had just assumed that my dad would walk me down the aisle until my mom told me that he was waiting for me to ask him if he would walk me down. What daughter has ever had to officially ask her dad to walk her down the aisle. At the time, it made me want to just forget it and walk down by myself. I figured I would probably regret that someday so every day my prayer was for God to give me the courage to ask him. About 2 weeks before my wedding, I broke the silence(once again) and tearfully asked him if he would walk me down the aisle. I remember it vividly. He was buttering his toast and I was crying as I asked him. He kept buttering his toast and said, "I'm not sure if I can do that." Then he just walked away, never once acknowledging that I was bawling. He just shrugged me off....as usual. I wonder sometimes if the reason he wanted me to ask him was so that he would have the opportunity to turn me down and make me feel even worse for causing him such pain.

I remember that I moved back with my mom and dad about a month before the wedding. My dad said that "my mom needed me home" of course she did....but did my dad care if I moved back, Nope! In fact, he refused to speak to me during that entire month and would not even look at me. I don't think a day went by that I didn't lay in bed at night and just cry to God to forgive me for hurting my dad so bad that he didn't want anything to do with me. Now I think how stupid that I was looking at him like HE was the victim.

This was how life was, living in Wayne's castle though. It was always "what can we do for dad, what can we do to get dad to smile or laugh, what can we do to get him to turn off the tv, what can we do to stay out of his way so we don't bother him, what can we do to cost him less $, what can we do to make sure our housework passes inspection.....all we ever did was try to please him and find a way to make him show his love for us. He always said if I confronted him about that, "I show you I love you by going to work everyday so you can eat!" BIG WOOP! Every dad does that! But why couldn't we experience what most other kids got from their dads?

I still struggle with this in seeing the way my father in law loves his daughters. Honestly, it makes me jealous that he doesn't love me like that and it hurts when he shows affection to them when I was starving for that from my own dad. Obviously those are his girls so I won't ever be in as a true daughter....but it is just a constant reminder of what I missed out on and am still missing out on. I've talked to Matt about this and he says, "Ask him for a hug....you know he'd give ya one!" But it's not my dad, you know?!?

To get back on track....I always tell people that I hated my wedding and my wedding pictures. That day was just not a good memory for me. I hate that I am FAT in my wedding dress, I hate that I am pale because I was pregnant and couldn't go tanning, I hate that I had to have a winter wedding (I always wanted an outdoor wedding in the summer) and I hate that even on what is usually a proud day for a parent that of their child getting married....that my dad still would not even look at me. It is just a HUGE reminder that I embarrased him. It was me who broke the mold that he had maintained the perfect family. The truth is that on the outside our family was able to cover for him....but on the inside we were all hurting. To this day my dad thinks that he passed the being a dad test with A- average and doesn't even care to listen to us kids about what our feelings are about the past. He gets mad that we "always bring up the past" but the truth is we would really like to get over the past and move on to the future.....but the past keeps repeating itself in the way he fathers us or non-fathers now. So please pray that my dad's eyes will be opened to the hurt us kids are dealing with and that he will quit acting like he is the victim of everything and stop turning us into the victims.

I will be here...

A bunch of us attended the most awesome concert ever on Tuesday night! Michael W Smith and Steven Curtis Chapman....oh yeah! They sang "I will be here" and while I sat there holding Matt's hand I just reflected on all that we have been through over the past 10 years we have been together (7 married years). So I know this is probably dorky....but I'm going to put down the lyrics and write next to them what crossed my mind as I reflected on our relationship.

I will be Here Lyrics

Tomorrow mornin' if you wake up And the sun does not appear

I...I will be here

I remembered feeling like the sun didn't appear the morning I found out I was pregnant in college. But guess what! When I called Matt to tell him....he said, "I love you and we will get through this!"

If in the dark we lose sight of love Hold my hand and have no fear'

Cause I...I will be here

We went through a lot of "dark" times when we were dating. My parents were totally against our relationship. My dad especially made things very hard for us. I think I got silent treatment from him the entire 2 years Matt and I dated. If you could call it silent treatment....my dad barely took the time to speak to me ever anyways. I remember that when times were tough and I would cry to Matt about maybe just ending our relationship because it was to hard to deal with my parents, he would just sit there and listen. He knew I needed to find my way and he just sat there and held my hand and loved me.

I will be here...When you feel like bein' quiet When you need to speak your mind I will listen

There are times Matt wants to comfort me and I tell him I just need to be alone and I head to the shower to cry in private. And then there are times when I just need to yell and scream and sob about the hurt I am dealing with the issues I have with my dad....and he lets me do that too.

And I will be here When the laughter turns to cryin'

Through the winnin' and losin' and tryin'We'll be together'

Cause I will be here

Tomorrow mornin' if you wake up And the future is unclear

Right now I feel like the future is so unclear with where I am going with my dad. I feel like, God where are you in all of this?!? But then I remember my favorite verse: Jeremiah 29:11 says that God has plans to give me hope and a future. So even if I can't see the work he's doing through all of this, I know that this father has plans for me that won't hurt me, so I just rest in that knowledge.

I...I'll be here

Just as sure as seasons are made for change Our lifetimes are made for years

I...I will be here

I will be here....You can cry on my shoulder

I have spent so much time crying on Matt's shoulder. He just holds me and I feel his love for me in the strength of his arms and he holds on as if he fears that if he lets go I will just die.

When the mirror tells us we're older I will hold you

And I will be here To watch you grow in beauty

He says I'm growing in beauty now as my belly continues to protrude farther and farther. I don't understand it....but he still looks at me with lust in eyes even with what I think is so disgusting right now!

And tell you all the things you are to me

I will be here

I will be true To the promise I have made

To you and to the One who gave you to me

I...I will be here

And just as sure as seasons are made for change

Our lifetimes are made for years'

Cause I...I will be here....We'll be together'

Cause I will be here

I thought that I loved Matt when we were dating and then I thought I loved him a little more when we got married. Then with seeing him grow into the father I wished I could've experienced I knew I loved him even more. But with every day....I fall deeper in love with this man! What will it be like 50 years from now?!? I cannot imagine....All I know is that "We'll be together" and I will always "hold true to the promise I have made to him and to the One who gave Matt to me!"

Stinker Child!

I was sitting on the computer yesterday and heard Briella saying,

"Help....

mommy....

down....

stuck....."

so I went in the kitchen and this is what I saw!

She was standing on the window sill looking outside. Apparantly she knew how to climb up there but couldn't figure out how to get back down!

I seriously have fears as to how I am going to get this girl to behave when the new baby comes!! :)

Spring Break Stories

We decided to get outta the crappy weather in Michigan this year and head south to visit our "serrogate grandparents" Brian and Dorothy Mohr. They have been such a blessing to our family...especially over the past couple of years. We love them so much! Here are some of our memories....
As usual, Taylor is being a great big brother...at least to his youngest sister! Briella just LOVED the beach!! Taylor buried her and she thought it was so great! Then Daddy buried all 3 of the kids....but do you think the picture turned out? Of course NOT!! Ergh!!

Another precious memory that I won't soon forget! Matt was so sweet to take Briella in and out of the water all day! He hates the beach....and yet those kids SO have him wrapped around their fingers. He'd come out of the water with Briella and she'd be ticked....so back out they went! Notice Tay holding his sister's hand....c'mon....is there anything cuter than that?!?

We, being Michiganders, soaked up as much sun as possible down there. Even if it meant laying in Brian and Dorothy's yard. Hailee enjoyed sunbathing with her daddy! She was Dorothy's little lady all week though! She was always making sure she knew of Dorothy's whereabouts at all times!! The funny part of this is that Dorothy spent the day inside because it was only in the sixties this day....go figure....she was looking for winter hats for the kids to wear that day and here they lay in the sun! Typical southern belle!! :)

Briella enjoyed a nice stroll at a park with her pal: Mr. B.....or mmm B.....as she pronounced it! This park is known for manitees....and we got to see some really close up! The kids were pretty impressed!!

Brian had the great idea to go looking for Gators! The kids thought it was so cool! We went on an air boat ride and saw a few gators....one being 13 or 14 feet long!! Afterwards, we ate at a nearby restaurant and our kids actually ate alligator!! Most kids won't even eat brocolli let alone GATOR!! We also ate some swamp cabbage...which is palm tree! Both were surprisingly good!

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More Florida Memories that you only get with kids:

*Taylor puked in the backseat on the way down...and all we heard the rest of the way from Hailee was, "eeew....it stinks back here!!" (fyi: Febreeze does NOT help!!)

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*Hailee got ticked that she couldn't get her sweatshirt off over her head. We had just stopped so we refused to pull over just to get her sweatshirt off....and she's such a drama queen that she wouldn't even try, SO she sat with it around her neck for about 2 hours til our next bathroom stop!

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*The first morning Matt and I awoke to the smell of poop. Briella had taken her poopy diaper off and it was all over everything in her pack n play.

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*2 nights later...Briella is crying in her bed, Matt goes in and feels around in her bed for a pacifier, Matt feels gooeyness, Matt turns light on and see puke all over his hand, Matt puts Briella in bath, Katie refuses Dorothy's help to clean up her daughter's puke....UNTIL, Katie runs to the bathroom to puke herself because she HATES puke....Dorothy cleans up puke...Brian leaves the room....He doesn't like puke either! Dorothy SAVES the DAY!

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*10 minutes after Dorothy cleans up puke: Mommy is holding Briella, Briella PUKES on Katie, Dorothy starts cleaning puke off Katie, Dorothy SAVES the DAY again!

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*Every morning Taylor's goal was to get up before Brian. usually they were within minutes of eachother (6:30ish...way to early for vacation) but him and Brian would eat breakfast together and read the paper. Taylor read the funnies while Brian read the rest of the paper.

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Needless to say, Brian and Dorothy really dealt with a lot allowing a family of 5 to come and stay with them! We are SO greatful for their hospitality and we had SO much fun!!